So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
