It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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