My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize