I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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