Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
