dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
