Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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