New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sarcasm needs its own font
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
