so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
