I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
