So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
