You just made me feel so damn special
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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