Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
