No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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