You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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