here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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