we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
