Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
