You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
