I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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