He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
