You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
