just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
