Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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