Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
