Can i not drive my cunt home
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
