Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
