We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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