I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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