sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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