you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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