Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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