Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
