when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
