So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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