okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize