What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
