I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
