i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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