Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
