East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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