Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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