alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
