Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
