just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
