I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
