Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
