3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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