We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
