Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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