I want to make a zoo with you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
