My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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