That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
