she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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