Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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