pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i think i just lost a toe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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