idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize