That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
