I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
