then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
