He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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