Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
