Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
