remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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