Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize