i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
