i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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