lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
