i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
