Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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