seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
